There’s no other quotidian experience that makes me lose faith in humanity as much as trips to Costco. It’s a necessary evil — we need our little luxuries like toilet paper and soap and energy drinks in bulk. Yet every time I go, I am filled with an acute sense of dread.
Costco is where I can observe the stupidest traits of human behavior. It’s right there, on full display in the cheese aisle, how I hate being subjected to experience life as a species I find infuriatingly dumb and selfish.
In a warehouse with absurdly large carts made for absurdly large items, no one seems to have a sense of how to use that space with efficiency and courtesy. People walk nonchalantly and stopping to gape at the potato chips with their mouths hanging open, blocking the entire walkway. People go counter traffic (stick to the right side of whatever direction you’re going!) And then get mad when they come head to head with another cart. If there’s congestion in an aisle, why force their cart down it when they can simply park it, and go grab what they need? No, they must forcibly enter their cart into the scramble, creating more of a pileup. Speaking of parking the cart, there are people who think they can simply stop walking in the middle of the way, and leave their carts while they go get their 50 pack of socks. I would guess that perhaps even a single brain cell might compel them to move their carts to the side before leaving it alone and unanimated, holding up everyone that is behind it. I would be wrong.
Those all seem like very common sense actions, but you would be surprised that it’s just not how it works at Costco. People are feral and slow, with not a single inkling of mind paid to their surroundings. They block every conceivable free space that’s needed for flow, and conversate like they’re having brunch while doing so.
I often wonder while walking outside with horrible walkers who take up the entire sidewalk, and then are offended when I pass them briskly, why people behave this way. I wonder if in other parts of the world, they also have the same mindset where they think they are the only ones that exist and matter when it comes to taking up space.
My conclusion is no, based on my travels, that not every culture is as entitled to this level of stupidity. And by stupidity, I mean the inability to think outside of oneself and understand that public space is indeed, public. It’s quite OK that there are people who move at a faster pace, and to get out of the fucking way to prevent a bottleneck all without feeling victimized. It’s not a personal attack, some people just rather go faster.
This is ever so evident in a concentrated manner at Costco, where self entitled bad walkers now come with metal body expanders on wheels, tripling the space they take up and doubling down on their blindness to their surroundings.
So the tactic, for all those who are distressed by their biannual necessity shopping trip to Costco, is to park your cart with one item in it, go around to gather all the things you need and run them back to said cart. Only bring it with you when you’re getting large or heavy items, and get the fuck out of there as soon as possible.
I want to like Costco, as I do enjoy browsing and touching things, discovering new snacks or skincare, but the patrons make it not tolerable to lollygag for even a few seconds more than needed.
The most important lesson I’ve learned through all my time spent frustrated behind oblivious shoppers, trying to get from the shampoo aisle to the paper towels, is that to exist amongst humans, you have to have the patience of a saint, or simply have the entitlement to not care about anything or anyone around you.