It was so freaking cold this morning when we went for a walk at 6am. The sun was barely peeking out from a milky sky and it was very, incredibly pretty. Why don't we take more walks in the morning at the ass crack of dawn? Oh yeah because it's at the ass crack of dawn.

Today marks the beginning of the mass exodus of December: Almost everyone is going somewhere else. I had a dress rehearsal dropping off at the airport today, getting a good lay of the land of the international departures terminal. Usually I'd be flying out of a completely different part of the airport, but this time I'm going into a strange gate by myself. I almost never get travel anxiety, but I'm feeling it for some reason. My flight leaves tomorrow. I feel some kind of bittersweet longing. For what, I'm not sure, but I've learned to file this feeling under: Could be interesting later.

I have grown so much this year that the growing pains are now just catching up. You don't change this much this fast without getting whiplash. I think that anxiety is telling me to get ready for more. I'm tired, but this was what I always wanted.

A few years ago, in the depth of depression/desperation, I watched countless hours of manifestationtok. There's something comforting about people talking about magic unfolding because you can simply will it to. I half believed it, half wanted a miracle to save me. And now doing a year end recap of 2024, I realized that I have everything the sad girl down in the dumps in 2022 wanted. This shit is so real it's scary. That sad girl wouldn't have believed me if I told her, but deep down, she wanted it so bad she unintentionally materialized it all into being.

And so we all leave town, we regroup later, next year, in the dead of winter and see who else has done some magic. I can't wait.